The Homework Contract
by I-AM-SiriusLOCKED
Summary: It's Tanith Malone's last year at Hogwarts and it's a year like no other. A Marauders-era prequel set in the modern day, Tan is in denial about her growing feelings for, as she puts it, a "man-whore". However, this is Sirius Black, and the pressure of seventh-year is mounting... SBxOC JPxLE RLxOC
1. Packing Up

**A/N You have no idea how excited I am about this. I have been fangirling so much it's unreal. DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters create by JK Rowling, it is all her fantastic work etc, and all rights go to her. However, the Ravenclawesomes and Sparkes are my own. The Homework Contract is a Marauders-era fanfic but set in PRESENT DAY, as I find it impossible to imagine a world without internet. **

"TANITH AMI MALONE! GET YOUR SORRY BACKSIDE DOWN HERE, OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES OF BEING LATE BACK ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!"

"Good morning to you too, mother," I muttered to myself, rolling out of bed- oh, my sweet bed, how I long to stay in your arms forevermore- and began my slow descent downstairs. I am not good with mornings. Given the choice, I wouldn't go near them with a ten-foot broomstick.

Alas, our choices sometimes have very little to do with the way things turn out.

I jumped the last three steps and nearly walked into my dad, a tall, bald, Muggle-born wizard who built broomsticks. "Oh, how interesting!" I hear you say. Not in the slightest, I tell you. For all my love of reading, I can't even get through_ Quidditch Through the Ages_, let alone my dad's endless ramblings about unbreakable braking charms. I suppose my position as Hogwarts Quidditch commentator was secured purely down to my ability to talk very fast and make bad puns.

Except for perhaps the last one.

"Morning, Tan," said my dad, steering me gently towards the kitchen. "There's toast in the rack if you want it."

"Of course I bloody want it." I shuffled into the kitchen, where my mother, a short half-blood with my brown hair and eyes (the only similarities- I am tall and slim, whereas she is the polar opposite) was repacking my suitcase for the third time with a harassed expression on her face.

"This is ridiculous," she muttered, trying to pack as many clothes, schoolbooks and a cauldron as possible around a large cardboard box that took up the rest of the room in my trunk.

"Relax, Mum. You can send the rest of my stuff on by owl and there's nothing in the rules about taking one to school- it doesn't even use electricity." My mother harrumphed, but pursued the matter no further.

"Are you meeting the girls at King's Cross?" She asked me, as I started on my second slice of toast.

"I'll see them on the train. Charlotte's got to shepherd both her sisters around into their right places this year, so it'll be easier if we all meet up then."

"And… any boys?"

"No, Mum," I said, rolling my eyes, "you asked that less than twelve hours ago."

"Fine," my mum huffed, slamming the trunk lid down. Get washed and dressed then, and with any luck we might get to London before the train leaves."

"Can't I just have another slice of-"

"NO!"


	2. On the Train

**A/N Chapter 2! I have no idea what to put here as I posted chapter 1 half a minute ago... Oh well. Enjoy and feel free to review (constructive criticism welcomed)!**

I was the first one into our compartment on the Hogwarts Express, so once I had put my trunk up on the luggage rack, I laid down across three of the seats and waited for the others to arrive, daydreaming and tapping my feet against the wall to make a Beatles tune. Just as I was getting to the chorus of "Yellow Submarine", the door slid open and I sat up to see who it was.

Two of the four Marauders tried to squeeze themselves into the compartment at the same time. James Potter managed to get through first, but Sirius Black shoved him onto the floor and stepped over him to come and talk to me.

"Smooth," I said.

"Hello, Tanith," he said, ignoring my comment and smirking ever so slightly. God, that smirk annoyed me. Sirius had the potential of being a really lovely, funny guy, but most of the time; he was arrogant and fussing over his looks. Which, for the record, were extremely good. "We've come to arrange our homework contract."

The contract involved me doing James and Sirius' (Remus and Peter both did their most boring homework because they could be bothered to do it; Sirius and James much preferred to spend their time b either blowing things up or in detention) History of Magic homework for them whilst they, in return, elevated me and my friends into their social circle. This may not seem like much, but these were the Marauders, and I got to be just a little bit smug about the fact I talked to Sirius more than his fanclub did (James didn't have a fanclub, he'd put most girls off by fawning over my friend Lily. Which provided endless amusement for the rest of the school), so everyone was happy.

"Same as last year, I guess, if you're still taking History. Which you aren't, are you?"

"Nope," said James, standing up and dusting himself off, "but we felt that five years was enough homework-doing for you to earn our permanent respect."

"That, and Prongsy just wanted another reason to talk to Evans," smirked Sirius (see?! There's that smirk again!).

"Who wanted another reason to talk to me? Oh, let me guess… the infamous Potter and his smirking sidekick."

"LILY!" I yelled, barging past James and Sirius to hug her. I hadn't seen Lily Evans since the end of last term, although we'd sent each other more owls than there are in Birdworld. "Lils, congratulations! You're gonna be a great Head Girl!"

"What?" said James. "That's fantastic!" Lily narrowed her eyes.

"What's it got to do with you, Potter?"

In response, James puffed out his chest, displaying a shiny badge with the words _Head Boy _emblazoned across it pinned to his lapel.

"Oh. My. GOD. You're telling me I have to run the school with- with _that_!" I caught Sirius' eye, nodded, and we both dragged the new head pupils away from each other- in the boys' case, right down to the other end of the train. Lily shrugged my off and sat dramatically (who knew you could sit dramatically? I certainly didn't) on the seat, fuming.

"Cheer up, Lils," I said. "He isn't quite as arse-headed as he was a couple of years ago. And he'll do anything to say… he could be like your lapdog." That seemed to cheer her up. Lily had just started telling me what she planned to do as Head Girl when three more girls walked into the compartment.

Alice Longbottom, a pretty, round faced girl who was in Gryffindor with Lily, smiled at me and took the seat opposite.

Wallis Bell, the Ravenclaw prefect in my year, had changed her hair again- which wasn't hard, considering she was a Metamorphmagus- the only way we could recognise her was by her blue eyes, which she never changed. Today, it was bright purple curls. "Hi, Tan," she grinned in a thick Scottish accent.

"Hi. Love the hair, by the way."

"Thanks! I'm going to see how ridiculous I can make it before a teacher has a go at me." I laughed, and stood up to hug the last girl to walk in. Seeing as Louise was so short, I had to crouch a bit to do so.

"Louise!" I trilled, "is it me, or have you shrunk?!"

"Shut up, Tan," she said, pushing her black hair out of her pale face, "I'm not that little. And I do have a Beater's bat in my bag, so watch what you say." She sat down next to me. "Where's Charlotte? It's nearly eleven."

"Well, she's normally late, so she'll probably be along in a few minutes. I can't believe her sister Katherine's in third year already…"

"And Anna's in fifth," Wallis contributed. They'd better hurry up, that's the whistle." Sure enough, the train started to move. I looked out of the window, and saw three blonde figures running full pelt towards the door closest to us. I ran out into the corridor and yanked the door open, pulling my best friend since before we'd got our Hogwarts letter and her two sisters inside.

"Thanks," said Charlotte, dusting herself off. Her hair had gotten longer since I had last seen her; the plait now almost reached her knees. She'd changed her glasses, too. Before she had any chance to say anything else, her sister Anna (who was almost identical to Charlotte but with a pointed face instead of round) barged past her and grinned madly at me. She had her wand stuck behind her ear.

"We went to Paris!" she exclaimed, "and everyone went, 'ooh, the Eiffel Tower', and I went, 'ooh, McDonalds'!"

"Oh, cool," I said, giving Katherine (exactly like Charlotte but no glasses) a hug. I'll see you at the feast tonight," I turned to Charlotte. "Everyone else is in the compartment."

"Bye," Charlotte said to her sisters, and we walked back along the corridor.

I'd known Charlotte since reception- we'd become friends when I'd seen her make her pencil case fly around the room when the teacher's back was turned. What with Charlotte having Muggle parents, I took it upon myself to explain that she was a witch, and due to that and us both being mega-geeks, we ended up best friends.

We slipped back into the compartment, where Lily was explaining about James Potter being Head Boy. I decided this would be a good time to tell everyone about the homework contract.

"So… they're like our actual friends now?" Alice asked. "No strings attached?" I nodded, and Lily flung herself onto the floor with a groan.

"Oh, good," said Alice smiling. "Frank's always said that-"

"Oh, really?" asked Wallis, leaning forward with a glint in her eye. "Darling Frank said_ what_, exactly?"

"Nothing, said Alice," blushing the colour of Lily's hair as houses gave way to fields outside the window. I let the familiar, soothing litany of my friend's conversation wash over me as I leant my head against the cool glass, watching the scenery fly by. Something told me our final year at Hogwarts was not going to be uninteresting.


	3. Unpacking

**A/N: Wow! I had no idea that so many people would read this so quickly. Still no reviews, though... *wallows in sadness*. Also, I was reading through the first two chapters this morning and found SO MANY TYPOS! AARGH! And I can't be bothered to go back and change them. I've proof-read this instalment though, so hopefully everything should be all right. Read on and review (please).**

Wallis, Louise, Charlotte and I ran up the steps like giddy first-years to a mahogany door which had a bronze, eagle-shaped knocker on it. A couple of firsties were milling around it, looking confused.

"We thought there was a password," one of them said anxiously.

"Not exactly," I replied, and turned to the eagle, which opened its beak.

"If forty-two is the answer to life, the universe and everything, then what is the question?" It asked.

"Six times nine," I replied, causing everybody to stare at me, nonplussed. "Because the universe has always been a bit wrong." There was a ripple of laughter and the door swung open to let everyone in, but I stayed behind.

"You read _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ over the summer then, Bronzie?" I smiled.

"Magnificent," it croaked in reply, "modern masterpiece." I chuckled, and walked into the Ravenclaw common room, a beautiful, high ceilinged room patterned with constellations and with blue hangings covering the walls, giving it a homely yet impressive feel. The girls were sat on the steps to the female dormitories, waiting for me.

"What's it you've got to show us, then?" Louise asked, raising an eyebrow (a skill I have always envied).

"Well," I began, "I think it's a shame there's no music playing in Hogwarts, and Dumbledore always said it was one of the greatest magicks." I pushed open the door to our dormitory, which included four four-poster beds with blue silk hangings, each with its own wardrobe and desk (the latter a Ravenclaw exclusive). "So, I brought this," I flung open the lid of my trunk that had been placed on my bed and ripped opened the cardboard box, to reveal an old fashioned, wind up gramophone and several records, ranging from the Beatles, through Queen, to Lady Gaga.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Louise, jumping up and down on her own bed, "THAT'S SO AMAZING!" Wallis had already started leafing through my vinyl. Charlotte rolled her eyes and said nothing, but I knew her well enough to tell she was actually impressed.

"Cool, huh?" I said. "I'm going to charm it so the handle winds itself up. Anyway… I can't believe this is our last year."

"Me neither," said Charlotte, hanging up her clothes in the wardrobe next to her bed. "Just think… We're going to have to get _jobs_."

I shuddered. It wasn't that I didn't know what I wanted to do (for the record, it was to become a columnist for the _Daily Prophet _and write witty and hard-hitting pieces that would alternate between telling the Ministry of Magic what they were doing wrong- politely and jokily, of course- and recounting various funny stories about things. Pretty niche career, if I'm honest) but that I didn't feel… Ready. I still felt like a kid.

"At least seventh year's exciting though," said Louise, shoving her suitcase under her bed. "I mean… We've got our NEWTs, we get to stay out late at Hogsmeade, and there's a Farewell Ball at the end of the year, too." Only a Ravenclaw would call NEWTs exciting.

"Ooh, yeah," grinned Wallis. We're gonna have to get _dates_. So, if Alice and Frank are going together, and so will Lily and Potter…"

"WHAT?!" I shrieked. "Are you out of your _mind_?! There is no way Lils would go to the Ball with him!"

"Bet you twenty Galleons she will. I've got a hunch."

"Fine," I said, feeling confident. This was twenty Galleons' easy money. "Let's shake on it."

"That handshake constitutes a legal binding agreement as verified by two witnesses," said Charlotte, indicating herself and Louise. "If one of you doesn't cough up at the end of the Ball then you'll be breaking the law. The Muggle one, anyway."

"Muggle laws still apply in the wizarding world, for the most part," I said. "I'd put twenty Galleons aside now, if I were you, Wallis."

"Fat chance," replied the Scottish purplehead. "Who're we going to go with?"

"I think Charlotte and Remus Lupin should go together," Louise volunteered. Wallis and I both went "Awwww" and Charlotte threw pillows at our heads.

"You should, you know, Char. You'd be so cute together." I ducked another pillow. "Any other suggestions?"

"Nope, said Wallis, walking into our small bathroom and slamming the door shut behind her. "That's our second most important aim this year, after getting Outstandings in all our NEWTs. Get pulled."

I laughed, but inside felt a building sense of dread at the idea of asking anyone out… Especially with Sirius Black as a friend.


	4. Padfoot's Latest Squeeze

**A/N: so I didn't intend to publish another chapter so early but THINGS happened. Thing 1: I got a review! Thank you so much princessprose you lovely person, you. Thing 2: I was watching a vlogbrothers video and in it, John Green mentioned Gaiman's law, which is a law made up by Neil Gaiman (a great, great man who wrote Coraline, two Doctor Who episodes and some Batman comics, among other things) that basically says that whenever an author reads their own stuff they automatically find a typo. Which happens to me ALL. THE. TIME. And I thought you needed to know about the epicosity/epicness of Gaiman's Law. Anyway... Enjoy, read and review!**

I looked into the mirror of our small, shared bathroom, fully aware that Louise was getting gradually more pissed off the longer I spent in there. I raised my hands to pull my hair back into a ponytail, and the tan-skinned, brown-eyed girl in the mirror did the same. I then started applying makeup, a painstaking ten minutes that mostly involved me trying not to make my eyeliner look as if it had been drawn on by a five-year-old with ADHD and one eye closed. When I was finally pleased with the results- a gel-black sweep across the top of the lid in the style that Catwoman favoured (so yes, I read comics. And I can tell you now, some of them are not to be read by young children) I flung open the bathroom door and beamed at Louise.

"Mirror's free!" I trilled. She flounced past me and slammed the door, ready to begin the hour-long beauty ritual that resulted in her turning into quite a decent looking human being (although still not much taller than a hobbit). I sat on the end of Charlotte's bed, where she was sorting out her pencil case, and started lacing up my neon turquoise Converse, otherwise known as my pride and joys.

"I still can't believe that Sirius is going out with that- that _whore_," said Wallis disgustedly, over the sound of Freddie Mercury singing about how he'd just killed a man to his mother (that gramophone was definitely worth it).

"I can," said Charlotte vaguely, now sorting her highlighters into rainbow order (Louise and Charlotte both had incredibly neat, well sorted bags/desks/general living spaces, whereas mine and Wallis' more usually resembled, let's say, a war torn country). "Sirius Black, being a man-whore himself, has earned himself such a reputation that only others of a similar sexual activeness will sleep with him."

"Ah… _Standards_," said Wallis, laughing. I looked up from my shoes.

"Who is it this time?" I asked.

"Kourtni Sparkes," came Louise's voice. I could hear the disgust.

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SODDING KIDDING ME!" I screamed.

Kourtni Sparkes was a bright orange-and-peroxide-blonde Hufflepuff in our year who I had hated ever since she had stuck a mascara wand in my hair on our second ever day of school. A jealous, vindictive cow, she had amplified her plain features into a hideous, Maybelline-coated grotesque and poured her various, ahem, "assets" into her robes that had been adapted to show as much skin as possible.

"Nope," said Charlotte. "Alice told me at Charms Club last night. According to her, James told Lily when they were doing Head Pupil stuff the other day that Peter had caught them groping behind that statue of Gregory the Smarmy. And after that, Sirius told James that she was an extremely good shag." I shuddered.

"If they're snogging down in the Great Hall, I might skip breakfast."

"No, you bloody well will not," said Louise, emerging from the bathroom, "Charlotte, tell her what _else _Alice said last night at Charms Club."

"Ooh, what?" I asked, as we walked through the common room and started climbing the spiral steps out of Ravenclaw Tower.

"Nothing," said Charlotte, blushing scarlet.

"I'll tell her then," Wallis turned to me. "According to Alice, Remus said to James who told Lily who told Alice that Remus wants to ask Charlotte out for the Farewell Ball."

"OHMYGODTHAT'SSOADORABLECHARLOTTEYOUHAVETOGOWITHHI MOHMYGODOHMYGOD!"

"That's what I said!" said Louise. "Well, not exactly. But along those lines."

"Oh, Charlotte, _please _go with him," I begged, "you'd be adorable together, and it'd be great if one of the Marauders go with one of the Clawesomes,"

"Uh… I thought we agreed never to call ourselves that again?" Wallis asked. I shrugged.

Back in our third year, when Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs had announced their group name to the rest of the school, having a name for you and your friends became very vogue. One of the first people to do it (Sirius told me about it when I gave him his History of Magic essay on medieval witch-burnings), we- that is, Charlotte, Louise, Wallis and myself- decided to call ourselves (my idea) the Ravenclawesomes. Which I thought was a brilliant pun, and easily abbreviated to the Clawesomes. However, its novelty began to wear off at the beginning of fifth year, and we pretty much stopped calling ourselves it.

Except, the name stuck, and kept on worming its way into our conversations… At least we weren't Gryffinwhores, though.

"I liked it," I said, walking into the Great Hall, at least we weren't… That is _disgusting_."

Over on the Gryffindor table, Sirius and Sparkes had opted for an unhealthy breakfast meal of, uh, each other. Tongues stuck down each other's throats, their hands were invisible under each other's robes. Next to them, James seemed amused, Remus exasperated, and Peter was watching them with an expression of awe on his face.

"A lot of expletives are going through my mind right now," I murmured, as I walked over to the Gryffindor table and tapped Lily and Alice on the tops of their heads. They had both been turned away from the Marauders, visibly disgusted by the public display of affection.

"Alchemy today," I said to them, as we walked of the Hall (nobody was particularly hungry). Our Alchemy class consisted of the Clawsomes, the Marauders, Lily, Alice and this weedy, lank-haired Slytherin kid called Snape who hung out with, shall we call, the _wrong _crowd. We had Slughorn as our Professor too, so the lessons were normally quite fun, but it would take all my inner strength not to throw something sharp and painful at Sirius' head. As this though crossed my mind, a rational voice in my head (one I didn't listen to very often) suggested I was acted somewhat jealously.

"As if," I huffed. The girls all turned to stare at me.

"Uhh… I think we stand a pretty good chance, actually," said Wallis, testily. It occurred to me that neither of us had any idea what the other was talking about. I looked to Charlotte, who was most used to me zoning out of conversations.

"Quidditch," she said, helpfully.

"_Oh_… Yeah, especially with Louise as Captain. We're bound to thrash the other houses… Can you imagine James' face when we beat him?!"

"Ah, but that would be really mean to him," laughed Lily, pushing open the door to the dungeon classroom. Now, it was her turn to be goggled at.

"But Lily, you hate James!" I said, thinking of my twenty Galleons.

"Yeah, I do…" the Marauders walked in behind us at this point (Sparkes-free) so unfortunately I didn't have a chance to interrogate her further. Wallis turned to me as we sat down on the wooden benches, and mimed, "ker-ching!" I stuck my tongue out at her.


	5. Note-taking

**A/N Hi! Thanks again to princessprose for the review, and I'm amazed at how many people have visited this story. Still, there are many more people who can review this. If you want. You don't have to. But it would be nice. Also, I have my mock GCSEs in a couple of weeks so I may not be able to upload as much as I have been because ofrevision, but I'll still try to come on here as much as possible. Oh, and I'd also like to thank REAL-LIFE Louise (who character Louise is based on) for being my ideas trampoline (and fangirling with me). Anyway, enjoy the chapter and please review!**

"Settle down, ladies and gentlemen," said the walrus-like Professor Slughorn jovially, rubbing his hands together. "Today's will be a theoretical lesson." I groaned inwardly. "We will be studying the exact alchemical effects of the Philosopher's Stone compared to…" I stopped listening and leaned back, catching Sirius' eye as he did the same, two seats down from me. The Marauder passed me a note, pushing his thick, black hair out of his eyes as he did so. I unfolded it.

_Welcome to our Alchemy lessons, learnt only by the most gifted of students, and Snivellus Snape._

I rolled my eyes, and scribbled a reply:

**_He's actually quite clever… Just an evil, slimy, spineless little git as well._**

That made Sirius laugh, although it sounded more like a bark. He scribbled on the parchment, and handed it back to me. We spent a good part of the lesson doing this, and it actually helped to relieve the boredom.

_Any luck with your second most important aim this year?_

**_Huh?_**

_Getting a date for the Farewell Ball!_

**_Oh, shit. I'd forgotten about that. How did you know?_**

_Lily told James._

**_Oh, right… _** [I felt a bit nettled that Lily had told the Marauders this, when I had presumed it was meant to be a secret] **_ I've still got most of the year though, haven't I? We've only been back at Hogwarts… Sirius, how long have we been back at Hogwarts?_**

_Nearly two months. It's Halloween tomorrow._

**_HOLY CRAP WHY DID NOONE THINK TO TELL ME THIS?!_**

_I think we all presumed you'd know what the date was. Anyway, the Ball. So, Moony's about two Butterbeers away from asking Charlotte out, Louise is already going out with that Ravenclaw bloke in your year, Damian Wood or whatever, Wallis is eyeing up Eddie Diggory in Hufflepuff, Alice and Frank have been a thing for ages, Peter's destined to be forever alone and if Lily and Prongs aren't shagging by the end of the year, then Snape will wash his hair and I'll get off with my mother._

**_NO, DON'T SAY THAT! I'VE BET WALLIS TWENTY GALLEONS THAT LILS AND JAMES WON'T!_**

_You're not going to be able to afford a prom dress; you'll have to go in your bra and pants. Not that I'll be complaining._

**_Shut up, you man whore. Also, what're these things you are telling me about Wallis and Louise? How come I didn't know?!_**

_When was the last time you actually paid attention to anything, Tan?_

**_Fair point._**

_I mean, I tried to talk to you and Kourtni both the other day and you just walked off. I thought you were being jealous but now I realise that you were just vacant, and it seems kind of cute._

I read the final line of the note, and scrunched it up in my fist. It felt like someone had dropped hot coals into my stomach. Sirius, as inconspicuously as he could, leaned over and nudged me, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I shook my head at him, and forced myself to listen to Slughorn. I might have given myself away- but there was no way I was telling Sirius he'd been right in the first place, and I wasn't going to lie to him, either.


	6. A Confrontation

**A/N I am so going to fail my statistics GCSE. I know it. And it is all this fanfic's fault... Oh, well. Thanks to my reviewers princessprose & louisejordan11 (yes, that Louise) and just people who have read this and not given up in disgust. Yet. Please review! And enjoy this chapter...**

* * *

I sat down next to Lily and Alice on the steps out of the entrance Hall dramatically (Lily tends to rub off on people). Alice's cat, Trevor, sat down on my lap, curled up, and started purring.

"What's up with you?" Lily asked.

"The Clawesomes are all getting pulled," I replied, trying (and failing) to say it with an air of nonchalance.

"Who with?"

"Uhh… Couple of Quidditch players, and Charlotte and Remus, obviously." I slouched down into the step.

"And you're jealous?"

"I prefer the word envious, Alice. Sounds much nicer. And yes, of course I am. At this rate, Lily and I are gonna be the only single girls at the ball. And Peter."

"Hang on," said Lily, "Why am I going to be single?"

"Because everyone else thinks that you're going to give in to Potter's advances, so-"

"Who says I'm not?" Alice and I both gawped at her.

"That's seven years of hatred, Lils." Said Alice. "Surely it can't be for nothing."

"Six and a half." I buried my head in my arms and wailed.

"Now I am so going to lose the bet."

"What bet?" Asked Lily, narrowing her bright green eyes.

"Oh, I made a bet with Wallis that you and Potter weren't going to… Oh, shit."

I sat there for about five minutes of an infamous Lily-lecture, before she flounced off. Probably to shag James. Alice opened her mouth to talk to me, but was cut off by a silky sharp voice from behind me.

"Tsk, Malone… Apparently even your friends can't stand you, now."

"Sparkes," I said, turning round to beam at her (and dislodging Trevor in the process). "My, you look like a piece of fine art today. By Picasso, that is. You know, where all the features look disproportionate and vaguely terrifying."

"Stay away from my boyfriend, Malone, or else you know what you'll get."

"Off of you? Well, your favourite gift to people is normally syphilis, so I'll be sure to bear that in mind."

She hissed like a cat, and for a moment I thought it was Trevor making the noise.

"No Head Girly to save your back now, Malone. Just Longbottom and it doesn't look like she'd be able to hurt a fly."

"You'd be surprised." I walked up to Sparkes, and narrowed my eyes. "I don't know what you think I've been doing with Sirius, but I wouldn't go near anyone who's shagged you, if only because I don't want to get an STI.

"

"I'm clean, bitch," she spat in my face. I clenched my fist around my spruce-and-phoenix-feather wand.

"I'll take your word for it. But I'd never sleep with someone else's boyfriend, even if that person is you. Don't judge me by your own standards."

Sparkes went to curse me, but before she could, both mine and Alice's (God, I love that girl) wands were pointed at her forehead.

"Leave," said Alice. "Before I jinx the makeup off your face." Sparkes snarled, but, realising she was outnumbered, stalked off, arse sashaying behind her.

"Cow," said Alice. This was strong language, from her. "You alright, Tan?"

"Yeah," I said shakily. I was lying- Sparkes terrified the shit out of me, and those comebacks had taken up all of my small reserves of courage. There's a reason I'm not in Gryffindor.

"Come here," Alice wrapped her arms around me, and I tried not to cry all over the cardigan Frank had got her. "So, what is going on between you and Black?"

"Nothing." I lied. "We're mates, and I abhor his taste in women. I mean, why won't he realise what a slut she is?"

"I doubt even Ravenclaw's door knocker knows the answer to that. We'd better go up to the Great Hall, it's nearly dinner."

"Fine," I muttered, "but if Sparkes is there, I'm breaking her nose." Alice laughed, and it occurred to me she thought I was joking.


	7. Wasn't it Meant to be Non-Verbal?

**A/N Aaargh! I've just noticed, in the last chapter Sparkes called Alice Longbottom when she's not married to Frank yet! AAARGH! Next chapter; please review!**

* * *

"Malone, I want you and Sparkes to pair up today… Let's see you both out of your comfort zone."

I've had several bad things happen to me in my life. I've fallen down a well (my fault). My only previous boyfriend turned out to be gay (not my fault, and actually, after the initial shock had worn off, he ended up becoming my Muggle Gay Best Friend). I got a month's worth of detention for accidentally setting fire to the Ravenclaw common room after forgetting to freeze some Ashwinder eggs we had to procure for Potions (Charlotte's fault for not reminding me). But this, this simple statement a quarter of the way through our Defence against the Dark Arts class, was undoubtedly the worst thing that had ever happened to me at that point in my life. Working with Sparkes. _Duelling _with Sparkes. _Non-verbal duelling with Sparkes_. This was not going to be enjoyable.

Sparkes detached herself from Sirius with a noise like that a plunger would make, and stalked over to me, mouth open and chin jutted out in a look of disgust that did nothing for her. I pulled out my wand.

"Ten paces away from each other, please," called our Defence Professor Prewett, a redhead woman who was about as strict as McGonagall, but ten times more fun. "And… _bow_," Everybody nodded their heads towards their opponents. There was an aura of seriousness about the class… This was important. Two weeks ago, He Who Must Not Be Named had killed a family of Muggles in Norwich. We had to be prepared.

"And… Begin!"

Six feet away from me, Frank Longbottom was hoisted up by his ankle by Snape. He wasn't up there for very long, though; he shot a Disarming spell at the Slytherin, dropped to his feet, and started hurling hexes at him.

On my other side, Lily appeared to be having a great time, hurling jinxes at James, most of which he had deflected with a Shield Charm.

Near the door, Wallis ducked a Bedazzling Hex Alice had sent her way, and retaliated by shooting the Impendiment Jinx at her.

And as for Sparkes and myself? I'd ducked her feeble Bat Bogey Hex, cast a Jelly Legs Jinx and now she was lying on the floor, holding herself up with her hands.

"_Stupefy_!" She yelled, pointing her wand at me.

"No Stunning! And no verbal spells!" yelled Prewett, but I'd ducked the charm and yelled "_Densaugeo!_" Sparkes clamped her hands to her mouth, but her two front teeth had already grown past her chin. "_Impendimentia!" _she was unable to reach her wand. I opened my mouth to yell again-

"_Finite Incantatem!_" the flashes of light all around the room stopped suddenly. "Sparkes, go and get Madam Pomfrey to see to your teeth, and I want you back at my office by break time." Sparkes ran towards the exit, her teeth now reaching the pink glittery belt she had accessorised her robes with. I grinned.

"Malone, my desk please."

The happiness of seeing Sparkes finally resemble her inner self (a rat) was immediately wiped away. I gulped, and walked forwards as the bell rang and the rest of the class left in silence.

"Miss Malone, would you mind explaining to me what just happened? You know the rules of class duelling better than anyone in this class."

"She started it, Professor."

"I am well aware of that, Malone, which is why I shall be issuing the correct discipline to her as well. But you _retaliated _in a manner that was not needed. Now, I can only guess that you used repeated verbal spells in your anger at her, but I cannot see her trying to Stun you as a justified reason to get so infuriated."

I didn't answer.

Prewett sighed. "Very well, Miss Malone. Twenty points from Ravenclaw, and be glad I am not pursuing the matter further."

"Thanks, Professor." I walked out of class to find Wallis, Lily and Alice waiting for me, as well as Louise and Charlotte who had just come from Arithmancy.

"What was all that about?" asked Alice. "I mean, I know you don't like her, but… It was a bit extreme."

"Is it because she's going out with Sirius?" said Louise. I was silent for a moment, then nodded. "But why would that… _Oh_. Oh, Tanith," we sat down on the steps to the Entrance Hall and she put her arms round me.

"It's ridiculous," I muttered, my face in my hands. "He's a whore, why would I feel like this about him? But… I couldn't help it. I've been telling myself I didn't like him like this for months, and now… I just hexed his girlfriend so she looks like a capybara."

"What's that?" asked Wallis.

"Giant rodent," Charlotte replied. "Bit like an oversized guinea pig… Oh, sorry, Tan, you were talking. Carry on."

"No, it's fine," I said, standing up and wiping my eyes. "I'm being ridiculous; I'll just have to get over myself. Promise none of you'll tell Sirius, though."

"We promise," said Lily, giving me a hug. "We'll just act like normal, don't let them realise anything's wrong. And if Sparkes annoys you, just hex her when a teacher's back is turned." I laughed weakly. My friends had talked me into feeling not quite so shit, and I had managed to get a grip on myself.

But next time I saw Sirius and Sparkes together, it still felt like somebody had jabbed a quill through my heart.


	8. Fourth Years

**A/N Hi! Also, RAINBOWS! MARRIAGE EQUALITY IN THE US! RAINBOWS EVERYWHERE! YAY! Here's the nice chapter, I apologise for the shortness but the next one's quite funny (I think). Please review, have a nice day. x (PS RAINBOWS!)**

Two months and a victorious Quidditch win for Ravenclaw against Slytherin had passed since what the Clawesomes, Lily and Alice had taken to calling the "rodent incident" and it was now the Christmas holidays. Due mainly to the fact that You-Know-Who was more powerful than ever and that parents wanted their kids to be near them, most pupils at Hogwarts had gone home for Christmas. I, however, decided not to. It was a simple choice of spending three weeks in the company of a man who WOULD NOT SHUT UP about broomsticks and a woman whose Christmas-dinner-cooking skills were, at best, mediocre, (not to mention the grandparents and in-laws) or three weeks in a near-deserted, magical, castle with my five best friends and the four greatest pranksters the world had ever seen.

And Snape.

There wasn't much thought to be put into it, really. It was the second day of the holidays, Wallis and Louise had gone off to canoodle (great word) with their respective boyfriends (who were both, sadly, hot and charming people and I was extremely envious), Charlotte was alphabetising the Ravenclaw common room bookshelves (no mean feat), Alice was, on mine and Wallis' command, trying to discern Lily's exact feelings towards a certain Mr Potter (let's just say my bet wasn't looking too good), the Marauders were Marauding and I was sat on a flight of stairs, talking to the only other group of people who were staying behind for Christmas at school (more fun than it sounds). There were multiple reasons for this. ONE, they were fourth-years, and as every schoolchild knows, someone at least two years lower than you at school is automatically adorable. TWO, they appeared to have endless supplies of Honeydukes chocolate. THREE, it turns out that fourth-years' social lives were infinitely hilarious.

"So, I was saying to 'Cesca, like, why would you even _do _that," said Idra disgustedly, a pretty girl with skin the colour of coffee. She was the undisputed matriarch of fourth year, and had been filling me in on 'Cesca's (rival queen bee) various wrongdoings for about an hour and a half now.

SO I HAD DONE ALL MY HOMEWORK, OK?! I WAS BORED! And besides, Louise had hidden my gramophone as revenge for me accidentally-on-purpose Vanishing her bed. While she was still on it.

"Right," I said, trying not to laugh, "So… Can't you and 'Cesca just… Work together or something? Like a coalition?"

Idra laughed hysterically. Around her, the clique did the same. "Oh, _Tanith_," she said, patting my arm affectionately. "It's so obvious you don't have a clue about what's going on in other people's lives outside of school. I mean, your best friend and Remus Lupin are hooking up in an hour beside that statue of the one-eyed witch, and I doubt you even know about that."

"No, I didn't," I said, grinning. "About an hour, you say? Hmmm… I wonder if that's enough time… Bye!"

I ran off, leaving the fourth-years behind me in a bubble of bitching and Honeydukes' finest.


	9. Behind the Tapestry

**A/N This was really, really fun to write. When I was planning the fic, this chapter was one of the first things I thought of doing, and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you do like it, or have anything to say on how to improve it or my writing, please post a review!**

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Fifty minutes later, and Louise, Wallis, Lily, Alice, James, Peter, Sirius and myself were hiding in a secret, incredibly cramped, passageway, concealed by a curtain, that conveniently finished right outside the statue of the one-eyed witch. I'd spent the last nearly-hour running around the school like a madwoman, collecting my friends and bringing them here to spy on my bestie who was, for want of a better word, pulling.

"Potter, is that your knee digging into my back?"

"Ah, sweet Evans, if only it was."

I snorted, and tried not to think about how nice it felt having Sirius' warm body pressed against my own. I could feel all the muscles, well defined from five years of being Gryffindor's Beater… Oh, dear.

"You know, this isn't very comfortable," came a voice from somewhere near my feet.

"Shut up, Peter, at least you haven't got Louise sitting on you," said Wallis huffily.

"I am not sitting on you! You just suddenly appeared beneath my arse! If that's where you want to be, it's your problem!"

"Ladies," said Sirius, trying not to laugh, "This sounds personal. I'm sure you and your boyfriends can sort it all out another time… Apparently, group sex is very vogue at the moment." I started giggling hysterically.

"Glad someone appreciates my jokes, Tanith," I stopped laughing suddenly. "Or not."

"Shhh!" I hissed. "They're coming!" Everyone shut up, and peered through the threadbare tapestry.

"I mean, it's okay if you don't want to," said Remus, nervousness in every syllable. He and Charlotte came into view; they were holding hands, and looked like the most adorable thing short of Pygmy Puffs.

"I'd love to! I mean… Yeah, if you do?"

"Of course."

"That's so weird, that they plan that, and don't just roll with it when the time comes," Sirius whispered in my ear.

"They're talking about the Farewell Ball, you prat, not sex," I hissed at him. Trust Padfoot… I returned my attention to Remus and Charlotte.

"Because you're really sweet, you know…" Remus leaned in towards my best friend.

"They're going to kiss!"

"They're kissing!"

"Awwww!"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Filch yelled, jowls quivering, standing in the passageway behind us.

It was like an avenging angel, but with a cat and bad hygiene. There was a millisecond of complete panic, and then Peter tried to scurry away to safety- thus destabilising the rest of us. We all fell out, as one big tangled mess of limbs and terror, right on top of the very stunned Remus and Charlotte. There was a moment's silence, and then Sirius and I, as one, started laughing uncontrollably. Eventually, everyone else (even Remus and Charlotte, which surprised me) joined in, and Filch slunk away to get a teacher to tell about our misdemeanours. As soon as he turned the corner, we bolted up the passageway.

That evening, the Clawesomes and Charlotte's sisters were scattered around the Ravenclaw common room, talking excitedly about the Farewell Ball.

"We're going to have to go dress shopping," said Wallis, "there's no way I'm wearing robes; no one else is."

(Not one of them had brought up my falling-in-like-with-Sirius-who-will-never-go-out- with-me-and-I-am-therefore-destined-to-be-forever- alone-or-go-to-the-ball-with-Peter situation, for which I was grateful.)

"There's a shop in Diagon Alley that sells Muggle fashion," replied Charlotte, who had not stopped smiling since Remus had kissed her. "I'm pretty sure they do Ball dresses, and the rules are that so long as it touches the floor, its fine… I want to buy something purple and glittery." Charlotte's corner of the dormitory had a theme of "purple and glittery"; it hurt your eyes if you stared at it for too long. "And a big skirt."

"Ugh, you'd never be able to fit through the door with it," I said. "I just want something... indescribably awesome."

"Like a fish!" said Anna.

"Yes," I said slowly, as Charlotte rolled her eyes and Wallis clapped her hand over her mouth to stop herself from giggling. "Anyway, we can probably ask to go out this weekend. They should let us, we're all seventeen, it's the holidays and if we're back by dusk…"

"Can we come?" asked Katherine, gesturing to herself and Anna. "We could be your personal shoppers."

"Ooh, that'd be cool," said Louise. "Charlotte can be your legal guardian. If we ask Flitwick now, we can buy dresses for New Year as well as the Ball." Dumbledore had announced on the first morning of the holidays that in order to lighten the mood, Hogwarts would be celebrating the New Year; half the students were coming back early for it.

An hour later, it was all sorted. The Clawesomes, Anna, Katherine, Lily and Alice (who were the first people we told and had somehow got permission from McGonagall) and myself were Apparating from Hogsmeade to the Leaky Cauldron early Saturday morning for a day of trying on dresses 2 sizes too small and striking ridiculous poses in front of a mirror. Just an average shopping trip.


	10. The Arduous Task that is Dress Shopping

**A/N Wow! 10th chapter! Personally I prefer the number 27 but it is a landmark nonetheless. I'll be posting links to the girls' dresses in the next chapter (which is the actual New Year party) and I hope you appreciate the hours I spent trawling through Google Images looking for them. AND I still haven't found any decent Ball dresses. Read & review!**

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"Y'know," I said, lying face-down on one of the overstuffed sofas in the shop, "I didn't expect it to be this SODDING HARD."

"That, my dear Tan, is because you have the fashion sense of a dead oxen herd," said Louise vaguely. She had already found her dress for new year- violet and crushed velvet, she had brought it mainly because of the sleeves, and "if everyone wore sleeves, the world would be a better place". I envied her- the dress looked great, and so far, I had found a grand total of NOTHING.

"Ta-daa!" Anna cried, strutting out of the changing room. Like most of the others, she'd already found her dress, and was now finding the most ridiculous ones in the shop. This one was hot pink, with so much cut out of it that there was more hole than dress. Katherine clapped her hands to her mouth to stop herself from laughing; Wallis, slightly less subtle, fell backwards off her chair, cackling hysterically.

"DAHLING!" I cried, running towards Anna with my arms open. "One simply _adores _it," I danced around the room with her.

"Oi, Tan, when you've stopped being such a cretin, try this on," said Charlotte, holding up a short, teal, net-skirted dress with peacock feathers swirling around the bodice.

"Oooooooh!" I said, grabbing it out of her hands and running into one of the cubicles to change. "I must possess it immediately," I shouted through the curtain.

"Indeed," replied Lily. "But you still need a Ball dress, remember?"

I nodded, spinning out of the changing room with my arms held aloft like a ballerina. Anna swept past me, wearing a white, sequinned dress with a skirt that had a diameter of approximately two metres (and I swear I'm not exaggerating). Wallis, who had just stood up and was straightening out her dress (a black sleeveless thing that she had turned her ravens-wing blue and curly to match), fell over laughing again. I swear, if it had been anyone else I would have been annoyed, but practically everything Anna did was instantly funny. I jumped over her skirt and landed next to Alice, who was clutching her short, black New Year dress and was now looking through the rail of prom gowns.

"I can't find anything _pretty_, Al," I said. "If I'm going to the Ball with Peter, as I inevitably am to avoid being a loner, I'm going to need _something _nice to look at."

"How about this?" Lily asked of the gold, shiny, above-the-knee dress she was wearing. "Do you like it?"

"I'm sure Potter would _love _it," Charlotte replied, earning a coathanger being thrown at her head. "Mind this!" she shrieked of the purple (who would've guessed) silk dress she was wearing. "I don't want it ripped!"

Katherine was sat in the corner, holding hers and Anna's dresses whilst looking through the catalogue. "It's all big and glittery and skirty," she concluded, shutting the book with a snap.

"As I expected," I said glumly, all excitement of having found a New Year dress having evaporated. I sat on a chair in a corner for the next two hours, watching the whirl of activity that was my friends choosing their prom dresses. By the end of it, they'd all found something they found perfect, and I was screwed.

"Don't worry about it, Tan," said Louise, now back in her normal clothes and getting ready to leave. "We can owl-order one later on in the year,"

I sighed, and stood up to Apparate back to Hogsmeade. "Fine," I said, "But I'm seriously not expecting to enjoy this Ball. Jeans and Peter Pettigrew is _so _not what I was looking forward to."


	11. New Year

**A/N: Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while, but this is a big chapter and as well as all the end-of-school stuff that's been going on, I've been writing some other stuff, as well. Anyway... this was fun (if a bit of a struggle in some places) to write, so I hope you enjoy it, please R&R! Oh, and Tanith gets a little bit of long-awaited action in this chapter, too...**

* * *

"I WANT YOUR LOVE AAAAND, I WANT YOUR REVENGE, YOU AND MEEE, COULD WRITE A BAD ROMAAAAANCE" I screamed, bursting out of the bathroom and sliding across the floor on my knees. Just as I started doing what can only be described as "The Lady Gaga Paw Dance Claw Thing" however, Louise lifted the gramophone's needle off my record. I stood up, and stuck my bottom lip out at her.

"You're no fun," I told her.

"Yep," she said. "Come and, it's nearly nine."

Wallis screwed the lid back on the bottle of her magical mascara (made by Louise, whose dream was to exploit the cosmetics addiction of teenage girls by creating a witch's makeup range for Hogwarts students. You know what I said about my niche career? Turns out Louise has one, too). "Eddie's coming, Tan," she said (her boyfriend, in case you'd forgotten his name. God knows how many times I've done that) "and if you start being all hyper and… and singer-y then I'm completely disassociating myself from you."

"Fine by me," I said, beaming at her. I had had two boxes of Every Flavour Beans (yes, I ate EVERY flavour) although the levitating effect of the Fizzing Whizzbees had worn off, the hyperactivity one hadn't. I bounded down the stairs four at a time and cannonballed straight into Louise's boyfriend Damian, who was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her.

"The Marauders, Alice Blishwick, Frank Longbottom, Diggory and the Head Girl are outside the door," he said, "Is Louise nearly done?"

"She's just coming," I beamed at him, and flung open the front door of the Ravenclaw common room. I screamed.

"LILY! WHAT IS THAT- THAT THING"- I pointed to James' arm- "DOING AROUND YOUR WAIST?!"

"I'm not going to grace that question with an answer," she replied haughtily, but she was smiling slightly. Although I could practically feel my purse get twenty Galleons lighter, I had to admit that Lily and James did sort of… complete each other.

Oh, hell.

"Hello, everybody else," I said, beaming around the group. "You all look beautiful. Even Peter doesn't look quite so rodent-y,"

"You have no idea," smirked Sirius, moving forward from the back of the group. He stopped with that stupid grin when he looked at me properly, though. "You look…"

"What?!" I asked, suddenly panicky. "What's wrong? Has something died on my face?"

"No," he said, slowly. Were my ears deceiving me? Did Sirius Orion Black genuinely have nothing to say? "You look… amazing."

I smiled, and this strange, hot feeling started to happen somewhere in my ribcage. I felt it spread out to my skin and formed a blush that was steadily rising up to my cheeks.

"Thanks," I replied, quietly, and for a moment there was no-one else there- just me and Sirius, alone in that corridor. "You don't scrub up so bad yourself."

"What's happening?" I heard Wallis ask behind me. She had her arms wrapped around Eddie's waist- not that I was paying much attention. I was transfixed by Sirius' dark grey eyes, which, in turn, were not moving away from me.

"Pads and Tanith are having a _moment_," grinned James. "Ow!" Lily had just elbowed him in the ribs, and his sharp cry had dragged Sirius and I back into the present.

"Have you got the box, Moony?" he asked.

Remus, who had been holding Charlotte's hand and whispering quietly to her, looked round. "It's already in the courtyard," he said mildly.

"Wait," I asked, "what box?"

"Your faithful Marauders have managed to get twenty crates of Butterbeer and half a dozen bottles of Firewhiskey into Hogwarts via a shoebox and an excellently cast Undetectable Extension Charm," said James proudly, as we all started walking downstairs.

"James!" Lily scorned him. "You're Head Boy!" James shrugged- this was probably the nicest Lily had ever been to him, so he wasn't that bothered about it.

With some awkward small talk, we walked down the many stairs, through the Entrance Hall and into the courtyard. Hundreds upon hundreds of live fairy lights had been hung around the walls, and although snow was falling softly onto the grounds, not one flake came inside the courtyard, which had fires in every alcove. Sirius whistled through his teeth, and then rubbed his hands together.

"Right," he said, "shoebox." He strode confidently through the knots of students (the teachers were staying well away tonight), and came back with a bottle of amber liquid and some cups.

"That's not as strong as actual whiskey, is it?" I asked (we only had Muggle drinks at home, in case the neighbours came calling).

"Nah," said Sirius, smirking, "you'll be fine."

I poured myself a cupful, and downed it in one. I gasped, eyes watering, as the fiery liquid seared against my insides.

"Alright?" asked Louise, laughing.

"Never better," I replied. The Firewhiskey had actually been quite nice, and suddenly, the world had turned more… colourful. And spinny.

**_Four hours later_**

"I CAN FLY UNAIDED, LIKE A CREATURE OF THE NIGHT!" roared James, who had taken his shirt off and tied his tie around his head like a bandana. He jumped off of the window ledge and dropped ten feet onto the flagstones below.

"VERTICAL FLYING!" I screamed. "JAMES, YOU GENIUS!" I ran towards him and snogged him for as long as I could, before pulling myself apart and breathing heavily. James staggered back, and fell over.

"Okay, Tan," said Sirius, coming up to me. He looked all hazy. "I think you've had enough to drink."

"But there are still so many eats to food! And JAMES CAN FLY!" I started giggling, and Sirius put his hand around my waist and gently steered me into the Entrance Hall. I skipped alongside him, and he dragged me into an alcove, behind a suit of armour.

"I'm relying on the fact you're too drunk to remember this," he told me.

"How could one pess… puss… possibly forget unaided human flight?"

"Tanith!"

"Sozzy," I said, trying not to throw up on his shoes.

"I… I don't think I want to go out with Kourtni anymore," he murmured, pushing strands of my hair out of my face.

"Why? Has she got gonorrhoea?"

"No! It's… It's you, Tan."

"What, I've got gonorrhoea?"

"No! I can't even look at Kourtni without thinking of you. It's like… Everything you say, everything you do, I remember. Because there's something about it that's funny, or adorable, or kind or sexy or whatever. And I can't get it out of my head- it's all in there, going round in circles, and I can't do anything about it because I can't tell you- I'm _scared _to tell you, which is weird because I don't get scared. But now I can tell you, and it's all right because you'll wake up tomorrow with a pounding headache and no idea of what's happened."

It took about a minute for my Firewhiskey-addled brain to process and understand what he'd just said. And when I did figure it out, I just stared at him, until I figured out what to do next.

"Oh, bloody hell," I said, and kissed him.

It wasn't like kissing James. Hell, it wasn't like anything. It was all its own thing, and I was vaguely aware of the warm lines of his arms wrapped around my body, how soft his hair felt in my fingers, and that my legs were around his waist and that he was taking I wasn't actually touching the floor. I was flying.

And then, all too suddenly, I was back on the floor, and sober. I slid my hands down onto Sirius' chest, and rested my head against them.

"This… No." I murmured. "Sirius, you've got a girlfriend, and-"

"I know. I'm sorry. I should never have taken advantage of you like this, it's just that-"

"No!" I cut him off sharply. "I don't want to know. This never happened, alright? Besides, it's like you mentioned earlier," I started to walk back to my dormitory, "I probably won't remember any of this in the morning, anyway."


	12. New Year- their dresses

**Ah, bugger! I forgot to add the links to the dresses in the author's notes of chapter 11! Here they are! (just take all the spaces out from the links, then copy and paste them into the link bar)**

**Tanith: user/I-AM-SiriusLOCKED /media /thctanithnewyear_ .html?sort=3&o=5**

**Wallis: http: user/ I-AM- SiriusLOCKED/media/thc wallisnewyear_ .html?sort=3&o=0**

**Alice: ht /user/I-AM-Sirius LOCKED/media/thcalicenew year_zps000bd58a . ?sort=3&o=1**

**Lily: s1293. /user/I-AM-Siri usLOCKED/me dia/thcn ewyearlily_ .h tml?sort=3&o=2**

**Louise: s1 us er/I-AM-SiriusL OCKED/media/thclouisene wyear_ .html?sort=3&o=3**

**Charlotte: /user/I-AM-Sir iusLOCKED/media/thccharlottenew year_zps976 .html?sort=3&o=4**

**Again, I am SO SORRY! I didn't post pictures of the boys suits- it's just jackets and skinny ties, although I had a mental image of James in a bowtie. Because bowties are cool.**


	13. The Morning After

**A/N Okay, I have some apologies to make. Firstly, sorry for the links not working for the New Year dresses. Me and photobucket are having ****_issues_****, I'll upload the links when I figure it out. Second apology is for the shortness of this chapter, but it's just a little inbetween-y one, to lead up to the next one, which should be quite good because DANGER AND DRAMA AND DUN DUN DUNNNNN. Anyway... please R&R and enjoy this mini-chapter!**

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I woke up with one leg hanging off the side of my four-poster and a headache like a chicken had died in my skull. Every breath stung my mouth and throat, and after about thirty seconds, the world started spinning. I staggered to the bathroom- which was, thankfully, unlocked- and vomited purple all down the toilet basin.

Staggering back into the dormitory, I realised that everyone else must have gone down to the Great Hall for breakfast. I wasn't sure if I wanted to, it would mean facing Sirius…

"Oh, _shit_."

On autopilot, I pulled some clothes on, and figured that the best thing to do was to pretend not to remember. Hopefully, Sirius wouldn't figure out that I did, because if _he _did, then things would start to get very, very awkward. And Sparkes would probably punch all my teeth out.

By this time, I had made my way down to the Hall, and had slid slowly onto the Ravenclaw bench, next to Charlotte. She pushed some slices of toast and a glass of pumpkin juice in front of me.

"Lily's fuming at James," she told me (he, Sirius and I had been the last ones standing at the party). "Apparently, he got drunk, climbed into the girls' dormitory and tried to sleep in the same bed as her."

"I thought boys couldn't get into our dormitories?" I asked.

"Hence why I said _climbed_," replied Charlotte. "What did you do after we all went to bed?"

"Oh, nothing," I said, innocently as I could. "Wandered around the lake for a bit, climbed some trees, um… Yeah." Charlotte raised her eyebrows at me, but said nothing as at that moment, Remus walked over quickly.

"I come bearing news," he said to the Clawesomes, after giving Charlotte a quick hug. "Hogsmeade day next weekend, once term's started. Do you all want to come to the Three Broomsticks with us? Lily and Alice are coming, too."

"Will there be excess drinking?" Wallis asked, suspiciously.

"Don't worry," smiled Remus, "I'll regulate it."

"Sure, that's fine then," Louise told him. I however, was not so excited. _Another _evening with Sirius? Bad enough as it is, but I was sure he'd bring Sparkes along. Still, I would feel terrible if I didn't go… I could just mutter obscenities and curses under my breath to the Clawesomes.

Evening sorted.

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**A/N Oh, and one more thing; I am recommending AsgardianPotterhead's fic Hogwarts Bound, because a) it is awesome b) in about a gazillion chapters it will have me in it which I am incredibly excited about, and c) IT'S WALLIS! AS IN WALLIS IN THIS WALLIS! YAY!**


	14. A Very Eventful Evening

**A/N This is a BIG chapter. And a lot of stuff happens in it. Make the most of it, as I won't be able to write/upload for a week as I am going on holiday. I would also like to say thank you to and TheyCallMeSnow for your really really lovely reviews. they make me very happy, and i am telepathically sending you virtual hugs. Anyway, please R&R!**

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The clock in the Three Broomsticks had just bonged ten o'clock, and I was nearly falling asleep on the table. I had been up all the night before, doing McGonagall's Transfiguration homework, and the warm air in the Hogsmeade pub had a relaxing effect on my brain. I sipped my Butterbeer to stop myself from falling asleep, and looked around the table.

Wallis and Louise were having an intense discussion about Quidditch. Ravenclaw's next match was against Gryffindor, and if we won, or even tied, we would be in the final. Therefore, One half of the Clawesomes were becoming increasingly snappy whenever I interrupted their discussions on tactics or whatever (which, to be fair, I did quite often. I liked their reactions).

I guess normally, James would have wanted to join in with these _fascinating _chats, but Lily had (after two weeks of grovelling) forgiven him for climbing into her bed, and now she was laughing at his jokes (thankfully, he hadn't made any about Snape yet, or Lily would have kicked him all the way back to Hogwarts). Oh and yes, in case you were wondering, my twenty Galleons were safely tucked away, ready for Wallis to cash in at the end of the year.

Charlotte, Remus and Alice, due to the fact they were all basically nice people, were helping Peter with his Charms homework, which was due in tomorrow. As usual, the least popular Marauder had left it until the last minute, at which point he had realised he had no idea what the homework was about. He needed three people to help him so that there was knowledge coming at him from all sides and it was nigh on impossible for him to dodge it.

Sirius was up at the bar, getting another round of drinks (due to his incredibly rich Uncle Alphard, we'd all made it his tab for tonight) and Sparkes had gone to the bathroom to reapply her face for the fourth time that evening.

Contmplating this exciting fact, I realised I needed to go to the bathroom myself. I stood up, squeezed past several pairs of legs, and wove my way around crowded tables to a small door with a witch carved on it. I pushed it open.

"OHMYFUCKINGGOD! SIRIUS YOU WHORE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HAVING SEX IN THE GIRLS TOILETS?! OH GOD! MY EYES!" I screamed. Sparkes didn't look up (she seemed busy, and I was sort of glad her mouth was occupied, so she couldn't say anything), but Sirius did, his face frozen. I didn't get much look at him, though, as I had stormed out and was turfing back through the pub, trying to get to the exit.

"Tanith, wait!" I heard Sirius yell behind me. I got to the door, and whirled around to face him.

"Don't you dare follow me, Sirius Orion Black!" I snapped, eyes flashing furiously. "Now go back to your slutty little girlfriend!" I slammed the door, and strode along the dark, snowy streets.

Now that nobody could see me, I let the tears fall. Clapping my hand over my mouth to stop myself from making any loud sobbing noises, I stumbled blindly through the snow until I reached the outskirts of Hogsmeade, where it was nearly pitch black, save for the gibbous moon shining brightly overhead. It was so cold, the icy wind stabbed at my skin through my clothes, and I shivered, partly out of fear.

Suddenly, a twig snapped and I spun round, whipping my wand out of my pocket. I lowered my hand shakily, however, when I saw it was just a massive, shaggy black dog, crossing the street about thirty metres behind me, back the way I had come. Sighing with relief, I perched myself on a style that led out of the village.

"Hello, pretty," a rough, savage voice breathed in my ear.

For the second time in five minutes, I raised my wand, but a hairy hand with pointed fingernails seized my wrist and wrenched it out of my grasp. A wolfish-looking man with long, scraggly black hair and pointed teeth pressed me against the fence, and invaded my personal space (over which I can be very protective.) He ran a finger along my cheek.

"What is a pretty young girl like you doing out here, all on your own at night?" he growled. Hi breath stank of raw meat, and I tried not to vomit. _Show no fear_, a voice whispered in my head.

"Oh, you know," I said, as casually as I could manage, "off looking for silver bullets." I'd figured out who the man was- Fenrir Greyback, werewolf and outer-circle Death Eater.

"Oh, but sweetums, you _know_ that's just a myth," he muttered. It felt horrible, and terrifying, having him pressed up against me like that- but without a distraction, I was powerless. "Now, you'll just be giving me what I want, and I'll be on my way."

"You've got my wand," I said, knowing full well what he was on about.

"Uh-uh," he replied huskily, running his filthy paw along the side of my body, "I think you know-"

"Step away from her, Greyback." Sirius was standing five metres behind us, pointing his dogwood wand at him. "Or crawl away from here with your legs bound together."

"You think a kid like you'll defeat me?" snarled Greyback then, suddenly, let out a whine, released my hands and went cross-eyed with pain- I had just kneed him in the groin.

"Expelliarmus!" yelled Sirius. My wand flew up in the air and, miraculously (I'm no Seeker) I caught it.

I backed off quickly until I was standing next to Sirius. Growling, Greyback pulled out his own wand and advanced on us. About a metre away, he leaped.

"_Impendimentia!_" I cried, and a millisecond later, Sirius yelled, "_Incarcerous!_" The werewolf fell to the floor, bound and unable to move.

"_Stupefy!_" I spat at him, for good measure. Greyback's yellowed eyes rolled backwards into his skull.

"Well, that was eventful, eh, Tan- Tanith!" I had collapsed onto the snowy floor, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. Sirius crouched down beside me, grey eyes full of panic and worry. "Tan, are you okay? No, of course not- what did he do to you?"

I shook my head, unable to talk. Sirius wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm taking you to Dumbledore- we'll Apparate to the castle gate, you're not walking all the way back there. Hold on tight." Still with one arm wrapped around me, I felt Sirius twist away- and then went blind as, for a second that lasted for infinity, it appeared I was being shoved through a rubber tube roughly the same width as my little finger. When my sight returned, we were standing by the wrought-iron archway and winged boar statues that marked the boundary of Hogwarts school.

"Oh, shit," I muttered, and promptly threw up in the nearest bush. Sirius ran over to me.

"What's wrong?"

"I get travel-sick when I Apparate," I told him, shakily. Now that I had emptied my insides, I felt a lot better.

"How do you travel?"

"Muggle stuff. I don't like brooms or Floo powder either."

"It must take forever." I shrugged in reply.

"I'll buy a motorbike, then, and fly you round everywhere in that," Sirius laughed. Slowly, we began to walk up to the castle.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Motorbikes don't fly."

"I'll make it fly. You know, I'm still waiting for a 'thank you'"

"Why?"

"Saving you from Greyback, obviously."

"I saved you just as much as you saved me, Black."

"How?"

"Neither of us would've been able to beat him on our own. You'd have been dead if I wasn't there."

"If you hadn't been there, it wouldn't have happened in the first place!"

"I wouldn't have been out there on my own anyway, if I hadn't seen you and Sparkes HAVING SEX in the girl's toilets!" I yelled at him. We had just got into the Entrance Hall, and were standing apart, staring daggers at each other. "You know what, Black? I don't know why I ever fancied you in the first place. You're vain, you're a slut, and you think you're everybody's knight in shining sodding armour."

"So what?! I still saved you from Greyback- doing what he was going to do to you!"

"I DIDN'T NEED YOU TO SAVE ME! YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME ANYWAY, WEREN'T YOU?! HOW ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE FOUND ME?! OF COURSE, A _GIRL _WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LOOK AFTER HERSELF!" I screamed. Sirius' face hardened.

"Fine. Next time I see you in trouble, I'll leave you to it." He snapped, and stormed away up the grand staircase. I stood there, stock-still, for about ten minutes until I heard voices behind me.

"Tanith!" Wallis yelled. The Ravenclawesomes came running in, and I can honestly say I've never been happier to see them in my entire life. "What the hell happened to you? You look terrible!"

"I'll tell you tomorrow morning," I told them, suddenly feeling more tired than I've ever felt. It had been a very exhausting evening. "I just want to sleep."


	15. The Big Match

**A/N I'm back! *waves* thanks for all the lovely reviews! This chapter was one of the first things I thought of when I decided to write this fic. Also, credit where it's due to Wallis' line in this (you'll know what line it is when you read it) to actual Wallis (aka AsgardianPotterhead). Also, it's quite likely there will be more than a few typos in this chapter as I'm in a rush and wanted to upload ASAP, so no time for proof-reading. Enjoy, please review!**

_**I've now rewritten this chapter- it's a bit longer, I've added and changed stuff. Hope this improves it, I'll now start writing the next bit x**_

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Today was the day. The day of the match- Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. The very air the students and teachers breathed was tense; the Quidditch Cup, currently held by Gryffindor, hinged on today and several pre-game scuffles and duels had broken out in the corridors, leading the Elsa Vince having to be taken away to the hospital wing with slugs pouring out of her mouth. Ravenclaw had Slytherin on its side, who always wanted to see a crushing defeat against their rivals, but Hufflepuff was split on who they were supporting- the prejudice against our house, for some, won out over the desire to see Gryffindor lose the silver.

Of course, the Clawesomes and I wanted to win for rather different reasons.

"I'm not going to whack that Bludger into anyone else's path," said Louise through clenched teeth, swinging her Beater's bat menacingly as we walked towards the changing rooms. "Just Black's. No girl will ever fancy him again."

"Yep," I said absent-mindedly. My friends, if possible, had been even angrier than me about Black's behaviour, and after insisting I go see Dumbledore about Greyback, they spent half an hour ranting to the Headmaster about him (Sirius, that is. Not Greyback. Although they did have a go about the latter, too.)

"We shall send for some Aurors to patrol the village immediately," he had said. Then, eyes twinkling, he'd turned to me. "Although I'm sure a woman like you should be able to sort out Mr Black for herself," his sapphire eyes twinkled, "after your admirable display of Defence skills against Greyback."

Lying in bed that night, it occurred to me that Dumbledore had been expecting me to come to his office, and had known all about what had happened. _But then_, I thought, _he knows everything. It's not the weirdest thing that's happened to me._

Anyway… it had been two and a half weeks of my friends being indignant and riled on my behalf, and I had no energy left to hate Black as viciously as the other Clawesomes did. Whenever I thought of That Night, all I felt was a sort of dull ache in my chest.

"Wallis, remember, you don't need to catch the Snitch straight away," Louise told her Seeker.

"Yep," agreed Wallis, "we only need to tie, right? That gives us some time to show off, score some amazing goals and make Gryffindor's defeat as humiliating as possible."

Charlotte laughed, and I opened my mouth to say something before I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.

"Miss Malone, could I have a word, please?" it was Professor Prewett.

"Uh… Sure," I said, and turned to the others, "see you after the match," (I sat up with the teachers to commentate, and Charlotte was normally in the Ravenclaw part of the stands).

"I heard about your duel with Greyback," Prewett said to me (she wasn't one for small talk), "apparently, you showed some good skill- what I'd expect from one of my best NEWT students."

"Uh… Thanks, Professor,"

"But am I right in thinking that you don't want to pursue it as a career?"

"No, I don't think I'm brave enough,"

"And yet, you and just one other person defeated a suspected Death Eater and known murderer without having the breakdown one might expect in those circumstances."

"Um… Where is this going, Professor?"

"Just because your house colours aren't red and gold, don't rule out a career as an Auror, Malone," Prewett told me, face unreadable. "Have a nice day."

She walked off in the direction of the stands, leaving me standing, nonplussed, on the path.

"Hey! Tanith!"

"What now?" I asked irritably, spinning around and seeing Remus run up towards me. "Oh, it's you,"

"You're not that low," he panted, trying to get his breath back.

"What?"

"Not that low so as to be foul to me just because of… of That Night."

"I guess," I stuck my hands into the pockets of my jeans. "Has Charlotte been off with you too?"

"Only a little. Don't worry, I've had worse," he said, with a wry twist to his mouth. "Actually, I just wanted to say something to you about That Night."

"What?"

"Greyback'll be out for your and Sirius' blood," said Remus flatly. His normally mild face had turned stony and distant. "He holds grudges, so watch your back."

"Okay, I will, but- how do you know that?"

"Don't," he said bitterly, turning away from me, and looking older than a seventeen-year-old ever should, "just… Don't."

"GOAL! And that's seventy-twenty to Ravenclaw!" I yelled into the enchanted microphone, jumping up and down. Damian Wood performed a loop-the-loop in celebration, but quickly, the Ravenclaw chasers fell back into formation. The Beaters tailed two Bludgers zooming around the pitch, whilst Wallis circled high above everyone else, keeping an eye out for the Snitch but still watching the game below her.

Potter, Quaffle tucked under his arm, raced across the pitch and, with perfect aim, lobbed it into the centre hoop. Our third-year Keeper, a pretty Latina girl whose name had completely escaped me, blocked it easily by swinging the tail end of her broom into the ball and whacking it halfway across the stadium.

"YEAH! EXCELLENT SAVE BY THE RAVENCLAW KEEPER! TAKE THAT, GRYFFINWHORES!"

"MALONE!" McGonagall yelled at me.

"Sorry, Professor- so, Ravenclaw has possession of the Quaffle and are using the Hawkshead Attacking Formation to cut through the opposing team, and- wait, has Wallis seen the Snitch?"

She had. Getting as close to her broom handle as possible, she was zipping between the other players with the Gryffindor Seeker far behind. Eyes narrowed in concentration, she stretched out her hand and-

WHACK.

A Bludger had flown into her arm, and judging by the sickly crunch, broken it. Sirius grinned proudly, bat held loosely over his shoulder as he acknowledged the cheers from the Gryffindor area of the stands. The rest of the spectators- including myself- rose, as one, in anger at him.

"WIT THE FUCK YE DAIN YA ABSOLUTE WANKSTAIN?!" Wallis screamed at Black in an almost unintelligible Scottish accent.

Behind her, Louise was swinging her bat around until it was a blur, eyes boring evilly into Black.

"WHACK IT INTO HIS HEAD, LOUISE!" Wallis screamed, as she flew back off in pursuit of the Snitch, presumably referring to the Bludger. Instead, Louise let go of the bat.

Time seemed to slow down as the it soared in a perfect arc through the air, coming to its inevitable finish in the very centre of Black's face. Blood spurted everywhere, and I collapsed to the floor in hysterical, unstoppable laughter.

Madam Hooch's whistle blew. "Penalty to Gryffindor!" she yelled- but it was too late; Wallis was flying around the arena, Snitch clutched in her unbroken hand.

As one, around two-thirds of the stadium changed their yells of anger into a mass of screaming and foot-stamping. One of the teachers had taken the microphone from me and was shouting the final result into it, and Charlotte had worked her way through the crowds to the Ravenclaw team, who were dismounting their brooms like gods returned from a victorious war against whatever it is gods fight.

However much I hated Sirius, it all evaporated as I watched him fly to the ground with his face an unpleasant mixture of blood and bruise. Only the good feelings were left, as laughter shook my body.


	16. The Hospital Wing

**A/N Hi! In case you didn't already know, I've rewritten the previous chapter. And here is the next one... I have no idea what to put in these A/N anymore. I could sing! Nah. I could recommend a good book! ****_Dancing Jax _****by Robin Jarvis. Nope, got nothing left. Please R&R!**

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"Hey, handsome," I grinned, walking up to Sirius' bed in the hospital wing, "not completely back to normal yet?"

When he left the pitch, Sirius had had two spectacular black eyes and a broken nose that was gushing blood like a tap. Now, all traces were gone of Louise's excellent throw- except for one ring of angry, multi-coloured bruising around his left eye.

"I thought you hated me."

"Yeah, about that… funny, seeing your face getting destroyed by a Beater's bat made me feel a whole lot better about you. Listen… I'm sorry I yelled at you That Night."

"It's fine," said Sirius, with a crooked smile that was a whole lot nicer than his smirk. "I was being a dickhead that night anyway. After I walked off, I felt terrible. Uh, listen, I…"

"Told Dumbledore. Yeah, I kinda figured it out. Thanks."

"No problem. Think you could call the Clawesomes off me and the other Marauders now, though?"

"All right, then. Anyway… Your eye?"

"According to Madam Pomfrey, the charm she used to cure the other eye won't work twice on the same person," he said pitifully, "so I've got to let this heal naturally."

"Ahh, bet Sparkes isn't happy her pretty little boyfriend now looks like Spot the dog," I grinned, sitting down on the hospital bed next to him.

"She dumped me," Sirius told me.

"SHE WHAT?!"

"You heard."

"Congratulations!"

"I- huh?"

"The whore finally left you!" I beamed at him. "Trust me, Sirius; this is so totally a good thing."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "How so? I resemble half a panda and am inevitably dateless for the Farewell Ball."

"Well, the panda thing I have no idea about," I told him, "but if no one else asks you, which is unlikely, I'll go with you to the Ball if you want."

"What?"

"Well, nobody else has asked me," I said quickly, trying to make it seem like no big deal, "so that means-"

"Of course they have, don't say that," said Sirius sharply.

"No," I said, quietly.

Sirius' face softened. "Well, that I can't understand. Don't take it seriously, because now your date is the hottest student in this castle."

I grinned, and lay down on the bed to face him, my nose almost touching his with my elbow propping me up, "Oh really? Well, I always thought Potter was more of a looker, but-"

"Take that back, you know you want me."

"About as much as I want Peter to beat me in my NEWTs."

Sirius laughed. "Fine, I get it. We shall be both the most amazing couple there, and the only platonic one."

"Deal," I said. _Platonic, my arse._


	17. IMPORTANT

**A/N so my internet service provider has had an "order from the courts" to block due to copyright infringement. WELL, IT'S FANFICTION, DUDES. It's not currently blocked when I use "www." at the beginning of the web address at the moment, but if they do block it via that address as well there obviously won't be any uploading for a while. I'm posting this onto both my fics so if there is a long unexplained absence, you know why.**

**(Oh, and as you can probably imagine, I was very angry.)**


	18. The Plan with a Capital P

**A/N HEYYY GUYYYYSSSSS. So the next chapter may be a while as I have yet to figure out the details, and it shall be updated in three parts. I might write it all at once, and upload the parts at regular interviews, like I was planning it (I don't plan). And I've also decided to write two sequels to this, once set after they all leave Hogwarts, up to Lily/James' death, and one in Harry's era, starting from PoA. However, it's unlikely the second will be uploaded straight after the first, so expect a break. Also, if you don't want a sequel, tough. I like writing this. Please R&R!**

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"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!"Louise screamed. The Ravenclawesomes, Lily and Alice were sprawled by the lake with the May sun beating down on them. I had been filling them in on my surprisingly eventful social life, and had just revealed my Farewell Ball date.

"No, but if this goes well, that could well be the case," I replied, grinning. Everyone except Charlotte, who was above such filthy puns, sniggered. "Anyway, it's platonic, unfortunately."

"Last I heard," said Lily, dark red curtain of hair falling over her face, "you hated him."

"A bit of face-crunching will do wonders for that," I told her. "But that was not the agenda of this meeting."

"I wasn't aware there was an agenda," muttered Louise.

"Hate to interrupt," said a voice behind us. We all looked up, squinting in the sun's glare, to see the Marauders had arrived.

"No, you don't," Lily told her boyfriend, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek as he and the other three sat down. I nudged Wallis, and pointed out that Charlotte and Remus were holding hands. She fangirled silently for a bit, then asked me:

"So why are we all here then, Malone?"

"Yeah, Padfoot, I was just about to ask you that," piped up Peter.

"Tan and I," he announced. "Have a plan. A plan of such epicosity that it is, in fact, a Plan with a capital P."

"It was my idea," I reminded him.

"Your idea, my plan, then," he shot back at me, leaning back in the grass and pushing his hair out of his eyes. I raised an eyebrow at him.

Alice coughed loudly. "If you're quite ready," she said.

"Oh. Right. Sorry." I felt flustered as I quickly collated my thoughts. "Well, seeing as Sirius has finally taken the opportunity to realise Kourtni Sparkes is nothing but a superficial bitch…"

"I always knew it."

"If you knew it, why did you shag her in the first place?"

"Shut up, Prongsy."

"He's got a point, Sirius. Anyway, we have both decided that we must avenge Sirius' broken heart and sexually deprived genitals…"

"By pranking her in a way only the Marauders could." Sirius finished.

"And the Clawesomes," Wallis told him.

"Hey, what about us?" Alice asked.

"You don't have an amazing group name, you can be our accomplices."

"Shut up, James."

"Sorry, Lily-flower."

"Don't call me that!"

"So what is the plan, then?" Remus asked, breaking up the domestic.

"It will be handled in three stages." I told him. "The first will be an assault on her physical appearance, orchestrated by Louise, Peter, Charlotte and Remus."

"We'll be giving you the briefs later," Sirius added.

"The second will be to lure her into the final trap. Wallis, James, Alice and Lily, I want you to figure out a way to do that when we've filled you in on the details." I said firmly.

"And the last part, designed and managed by Tan and me, will be a fantastic display at the expense of Sparkes' dignity," Sirius finished brightly. "From which she may never fully recover."

"And what makes you think this is a good idea?" Lily asked.

"We're Marauders," Sirius shrugged, "we don't do good, we do _awesome_."


	19. The Great Prank- Part One

**A/N The first two parts of this are going to be very short, drabble-like pieces, and the third is going to be significantly longer, as it's Tan and Sirius. You'll find out what Louise, Charlotte, Moony & Wormtail were doing in the next segment (to be uploaded at an indeterminate point in the future). Please R&R!**

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_Part One_

_KABOOM._

_"Lou?" Charlotte asked, slightly worriedly. "Um… Are you sure the potion's meant to be this… explosive?"_

_"Course it is," replied Louise airily, waving away the curling plumes of purple smoke emerging from the cauldron that was situated in the middle of the Ravenclawesome dormitory. "Pass me the moonstone."_

_Charlotte did as she was told, and as Louise plopped them into the mixture, it turned from a shocking purple to a tan colour, like foundation._

_"Remind me never to let you turn to the dark side," she told Louise._

_"MARAUDERS!" Peter and Remus ran up the steps (Charlotte had let them in, after neither of them had been able to answer the doorknocker's question)._

_"How are we going to get this into the Puff dormitories?" Wormtail asked. "Unless you've made some Polyjuice Potion as well?"_

_"You already know where it is, right?" Louise asked. When they nodded, she continued, "to get in you need to tap out the rhythm of "Helga Hufflepuff" on the barrels outside the door-"_

_"How do you know that?"_

_"Wallis' boyfriend Eddie told her, and they never change it. Anyway, you go in, leave it with a first-year who won't recognise you and tell them it's Sparkes' and she left it in the girl's toilets on the fourth floor."_

_"Remember that, Remus?" Charlotte asked. He nodded._

_"Why aren't you asking me?" said Peter indignantly._

_"Because we don't love you enough, and Remus is more likely to remember anyway," Louise cracked her knuckles, and lay back on the floor. "Run along, now, children."_


	20. The Great Prank- Part Two

**A/N Next part! It might be a while until I upload the finale to the prank, because of too much homework and it being quite long (probably) so I hope this keeps you ticking until then. Thank you to all my lovely reviewers, please keep doing what you do!**

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_"I feel outnumbered," muttered James grumpily, crouched with Lily, Alice and Wallis behind a statue of Wendelin the Weird. "Too much oestrogen and perfume."_

_"Well, you should fit right in then, shouldn't you, Princess Potter?" Wallis hissed, resurfacing an old argument from fourth year which neither of them had ever completely forgotten. James opened his mouth to retort, but Lily elbowed him in the head._

_"Ouch!"_

_"Shh!" Alice whispered. "She's coming!" Sparkes and her clique rounded the corner, and the four of them clapped their hands over their mouths to stop themselves from laughing out loud._

_Louise had replaced Sparkes' makeup with her own Face-Paint-Inna-Bag invention. The Hufflepuff currently resembled a very angry clown- apparently a couple of her friends had borrowed it too, because there was a tiger and a butterfly in the group as well. But the best part- Charlotte's idea- was to put a type of Disillusionment charm on the potion, so that whenever Sparkes looked in a mirror all she could see was her normal face, and had no idea what people were laughing about._

_"Diffindo!" whispered Lily, pointing her wand at Sparkes' bag._

_"Oh, for fuck's sake!" said an already angry Sparkes. "Go on without me, I gotta pick this shit up now. And you can bog off too!" she yelled at some third years who had been giggling at her._

_As the corridor cleared, Potter silently Stunned her, and dragged her behind the statue. They had decided this would be easier than kidnapping her._

_"Rennervate," he said confidently. Sparkes eyelids fluttered, but before she could do anything, Alice whispered "Confundo!" and a silvery mist settled over her face, clearing until only her eyes remained clouded._

_"You're to go to the Great Hall, and tell your friends to wait by the entrance," murmured Alice, "then, when you get there-even though you'll be aware of what's happening- you can't leave until all the birds have gone."_

_"What birds?" James asked._

_"I dunno, Tan didn't say," Wallis replied. "But Sparkes doesn't like them, so it's probably something to do with that."_

_"And that's it. You will regain full control after of yourself after that. Now leave, and don't remember this." Her clownish face slightly dazed, Sparkes stood up and left._

_"Now what?" Lily asked._

_"Now we run like buggery to the Entrance Hall and see what Tanith and Sirius have planned," replied Wallis, jumping onto her feet._


	21. The Great Prank- Part 3

**A/N FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM ARE YALL EXCITED CUZ I AM. HAVE A CHAPTER IN CELEBRATION (would have updated earlier but monumental amounts of homework). I LOVE YOU ALL**

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"I brought food from the kitchens," Sirius announced, climbing up into the small alcove just below the ceiling of the Great Hall, disguised by the charm to make the rafters look like the outside sky and perfect for spying on people, not least because only the Marauders- and now me- knew where it was. He dumped a load of cakes next to me, and lay down on his stomach to get a better view. When it was clear nothing was happening yet, he looked over my shoulder at the comic book I was reading.

"Who's that?" I closed my eyes and summoned my patience, the same way most people do when their reading is interrupted with stupid questions.

"Batgirl," I replied, slowly.

"Oh. Who's that she's beating up?"

Another deep breath. "Knightfall."

"Who's that?"

"I swear to Merlin, Sirius-!"

"Right. Sorry." There was an awkward silence. "We need to talk about the Farewell Ball."

I groaned, and let my head thud onto the pages of my comic book. "Do we have to?"

"Remus said Charlotte said you still don't have a dress."

"Ah, shit, I'd forgotten about that. I'll owl-order one later."

"I'll do it for you, if you want."

"No, I do not want, because if you do I'll end up going to the Ball in a bikini."

"I don't see a problem with that," Sirius smirked.

"Shut up, you perv," I clobbered him round the head with the comic.

There was another awkward silence, in which I took the opportunity to take a good look at Sirius, now looking out of the alcove with a slightly distracted expression on his face.

In case I haven't mentioned this in enough detail, Sirius Orion Black is incredibly hot, especially when he's not paying attention to himself. He's got very pale skin, but in the late spring sun, it had turned this pale bronze colour, particularly over his nose and forearms. And his face, it has this bone structure where the cheekbones perfectly frame his nose, which is all straight and normal, which is the best you can say about a nose, really, and his mouth always has this sort of half-smile playing around on it. And his eyes… They're the grey of the sea on a misty day, with strands of his black hair falling into them, but he never bothers to push them out of the way. And normally, when Sirius is paying attention, he knows how hot he is, and that's just it… hot. But now, with his mind on one of the pranks which he is famous for, he looks beautiful. Then I noticed he was staring back at me, grinning crookedly.

"What?" he asked.

"What's the best prank you've ever done?" I said, voicing the first thing that came into my head. His brow furrowed.

"Uhh… Not sure if it counts, but there was that time in fifth year, the evening after we had our last OWL, and Prongsy and me, we just looked at each other, and I stood up, and sung 'is this the real life?' and he jumped onto the table and yelled 'or is this just fantasy?' and then Moony and Wormtail joined in, and-"

"Eventually the whole school ended up joining in the rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody, in full, including Dumbledore conducting and a very annoyed looking McGonagall," I laughed, finishing for him. "Yeah, that was pretty awesome. And you sung solo on the fast bit."

"You were the first person to join in that wasn't a Marauder, if I remember correctly."

"Wallis stood up with me, and I like Queen."

"Don't undersell yourself." I smiled, turning my head away slightly. "Why'd you ask, anyway?"

"I just wondered what you would want your legacy to be."

"Come again?"

"What you want to be remembered for. 'Cos I figured you wouldn't want it to be that you were the school man whore." He chuckled.

"No, but… That's actually a really good question. Trust a Ravenclaw."

"I'll take that as a compliment. So?"

"Well, I don't see myself being a father in the future-"

"Seconded."

"But I don't want to be this idiotic guy who randomly breaks into the song. I want to do something good, like… I would do anything to save you lot. Marauders, Clawesomes, Evans, Alice and Frank, I'm going to protect you all. I'm gonna become an Auror and kick arse and let you lot live out your lives in happiness."

"That's… Brilliant. You've found your calling, Black. Us lot'll never die." I kissed him on the cheek, and he leant his head on top of mine. We spend a couple of minutes lying there, completely still, until a resounding crash echoed through the Great Hall as the doors swung open. Sparkes strode in, and I snorted at her face. Her silvery eyes became clear.

"What the f- WHAT THE FUCK?!" she yelled, then screamed, as every owl in possession swooped in and started flying around her in a great feathery tornado.

Earlier that morning, Sirius had convinced Hagrid, the gamekeeper, to change owl post time to three in the afternoon, when nobody would be in the Hall. Except FOR Sparkes, that is.

Thousands upon thousands of feathers swirled around her shrieking form, making her almost invisible. The screeching of the birds and the flapping of their wings filled the air, as did their dropping and pellets, hitting the floor with disgusting squelch sounds. It was the winged apocalypse.

Sparkes collapsed to the floor, sobbing. Her face, streaked with face paint and feathers and bird poo, was a mask of terror. A punishment truly worthy for her crimes.

"We are horrible people," Sirius whispered, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Yeah, but in the best possible way."


	22. Cleaning Up

**A/N sorry for the delay in posting. In other news, all non-Tanith Clawesomes now read this fanfiction. Yay! This chapter has the first pop-culture reference in a while, so this is me reminding you that this fic is present-day. Please enjoy and review, it is all very much appreciated x**

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"See," said Wallis brightly, chewing on a liquorice wand, "the best thing about the plan was, the Marauders took all the credit so we didn't get our arse's kicked all the way to the Forbidden Forest and back."

The Clawesomes and Lily (Alice was enjoying a romantic walk with Frank, something that rarely happened due to the fact that her social group had no idea of the concept group of "alone time") were watching James, Sirius, Remus and Peter scrub the soot of the ceiling in one of the Potions dungeons. Without magic. The mess from the owls had been cleared from the Hall for dinner, so McGonagall had decided this would be a suitable punishment instead, and the girls were providing moral support, of a kind.

"You missed a bit," Charlotte pointed with a lilac fingernail to a tiny patch of black on the ceiling, and Remus threw the cloth at her. She shrieked, and dived off the table they were all sitting on to avoid it.

"See," said Louise vaguely, "I always think Remus is the most measured, sensible Marauder. And then he does stuff like that. To his _girlfriend_." I laughed.

"Have they done the sex thing yet?" asked James, from his perch on a chair so he could reach the ceiling.

"JAMES!"

"Sorry, Lily-flower."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"Okay. Sorry."

"If you've all quite finished?" came a voice from the doorway. We all turned round to see Regulus Black, Sirius' little brother, leaning against the doorway with his black hair falling into his eyes and a slip of parchment clutched in his hand.

I glanced round at Wallis, to see her subtly Metamorphosing to make herself more attractive. She'd always had a soft spot for Regulus.

"What do you want?!" snapped Sirius, jumping down from a table and walking swiftly over to Regulus.

"To have sweet sweet, sex with me," Wallis whispered in my ear. I snorted pumpkin juice everywhere.

"Letter from Mother," Black the younger handed the parchment over to Sirius, who snatched it out of his hand and scanned it quickly.

"Well I'm moving out anyway," Sirius shoved the letter roughly into Regulus' chest, causing him to stagger backwards a few feet, "Like I give a damn."

"If you just stopped disgracing the family, she'd probably-"

"If "disgracing the family" means continuing with all that pureblood shit, I'd rather not." He picked up a cloth and started scrubbing the wall violently, jaw clenched.

"But it's the truth! Everyone knows Mudbloods are inferior-"

"HEY!" Charlotte, Remus, James and Lily all yelled.

"Get out," Sirius snarled, "before I make you."

Regulus' grey eyes moved from person to person, his expression giving nothing away. Then he turned on his heel and walked out, leaving a silence thicker than Polyjuice Potion.

"Well," that was an interesting interlude," I said brightly. The atmosphere lightened slightly.

"Sirius," added Wallis, turning her hair back to a bright red colour, "I totally agree with you that your brother is a racist arse and all that, but he also looks like Tom Hiddleston, so I'm still endeavouring to lure him into my clutches."

"You have a _boyfriend_," Louise pointed out accusingly. Wallis shrugged.

"Tom Hiddleston, though."

"Fair point," Louise replied, grinning.

"Who's Tom Hiddleston?" James asked blankly.

"I would tell you, but then you'd get jealous," Lily told him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Jealous? Me? Why would _I_, James Potter, generally perfect person, be jealous of anyone?" Peter snorted.

As the rest of them carried on bickering, I walked over to Sirius, leaning on the wall next to him. "What happened?" I asked, quietly.

"I am officially disowned from the Black family," he muttered, eyes stormy and just a little bit scary, "not that I care."

"Of course you don't. Everyone halfway decent gets disowned from your family. And now you can get your own flat and have loads of house parties with punk music and lots of Muggle girls in very little clothing." Sirius closed his eyes and laughed quietly, so I continued. "You'll be all right. You've got to be, to save all our lives, remember?"


	23. UNICORN!

**A/N AHHHHHHH! WE ARE NEARING THE END! AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN AT THE BALL! AHHHHH!**

**This chapter was written because IRL Louise said she wanted unicorns in this fic. So... Yeah, Unicorns. Enjoy, please review!**

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"Charlotte, you are the cleverest person in school. You don't need Hagrid to help you with your Magical Creatures homework," I argued, as the Clawesomes walked down the sloping grass towards the Forbidden Forest It was a clear, sunny day, and the sun beat down on their necks and legs as they had been allowed to wear Muggle clothes instead of robes over the weekend, due to heat.

"Yes, I do," replied Charlotte, exasperatedly.

"But we could be doing so many more interesting things," I persisted, as Hagrid's wooden cabin reared up towards us, "and-"

"OHMYGODHAGRIDISTHATAUNICORN?!" Louise screamed, as the gamekeeper came round the corner holding a bandy-legged, pure gold foal.

"Yeah, but don' frighten it!" whispered Hagrid earnestly, holding a giant finger to his lips. Gently, he set the foal to the ground, where it stood up shakily and wandered around on its spindly legs.

"What happened to its mum, Hagrid?" Charlotte asked, kneeling down and holding out her hand to the unicorn.

"Got caught in a bramble patch," said Hagrid grimly, as the foal walked nervously towards Charlotte's outstretched fingers. "Wasn't anything I could do for her, poor thing. I'm gonna hand rear this one until he's old enough to live on his own." The unicorn now had its head lying in Charlotte's lap, with its eyes closed. Wallis and Louise were crouched behind, stroking its mane.

Suddenly, everything went black as I felt two hands wrap around my face and cover my eyes. "Guess who?" I voice breathed in my ear.

I shrieked, grabbed one of the hands and twisted it, until Sirius yelled out in pain.

"OUCH! Stop it, okay?! Peanuts!"

"Nobody's said peanuts since third year, Black," said Louise, not looking up as the Marauder shook his wrist with a pained expression.

"Don't sneak up on me," I told him. "What do you want?"

"I'm buying you a Ball dress," he said, "According to Lily, you don't have one."

"What? Of course I have one!"

"No you don't," said Wallis.

"Really?"

"Nope."

"Oh, shit. How much do you want for it?"

"Nothing, it's fine."

"You sure?"

"Tan, he's buying you a free dress, for Merlin's sake, stop complaining!"

"Oh. Right. Um… Thanks, Padfoot. Just try to make sure it doesn't show too much boob, okay?"

"Or leg!" said Charlotte.

"Or arse!" said Louise.

"OR VAGINA!" yelled Wallis. Sirius stuck his middle finger out at her.

"I do have some respect for women, you know. I'll see you later."

"Bye."

He grinned widely at me- a proper grin, not a smirk- and jogged back up the hill. There was a long pause.

"Have I missed somethin'?" asked Hagrid.


End file.
